I'm surprised Claudia Azula Altucher hasn't divorced me yet. I'm surprised that she decided to date me to begin with.

I was a separated, but married, man. I had 2 kids. I had the IRS freezing my assets on a regular basis.

The bank was going to take the house my kids lived in. I had no job. I had no prospects. I had no friends. I got drunk every night.

Even a dating service rejected me. Eharmony, after making me fill out a form for an hour, said that "Separated" people are mostly losers so they refused to let me log in.

And I kept dating women who kept saying, "It better be ok with you that I date other guys." I didn't like that.

For some people that's fine. For me it wasn't fine but everyone was making me feel like I was crazy.

What happened to the world while I was gone?

Every day I always drive her crazy. I say, "I've run out of things to write about".

And, as she put it, "there's no answer. I have to slowly back away while he stares at me."

I'm always involved in lots of new projects. She says, "take a rest" and I say I will and then I take on a new project.

[She just walked by me. I told her, "I can't figure out what to write about", as a joke. And she asked, "Well, what happened when you went outside for coffee?" So I appreciate her trying.]

I think it's very hard to be married. I'm sort of sick of her right now.

We just spent five straight weeks working together on projects. I think we spent every moment together.

Maybe she is sick of me also.

We wrote a book. We went to London to give talk. We shot a bunch of videos this week that she's editing for me. She's translating "Choose Yourself" into Spanish. And it doesn't end. We do 5 podcasts a week together.

I'm sick of me when I read the above list.

I'll admit I forgot to get her an anniversary present. I hope she forgot to get me one as well. Then we'd be even.

But every morning I make her laugh. I like to make her laugh because she laughs not only with her mouth but with her leg. It goes up and down like a horse.

I make a joke with the sole purpose of watching her entire body contort. Sometimes she can't even stand and falls to the ground.

Then I laugh AT her.

One thing I know: the most important decision I ever made in my life is marrying her.

I was about to die when I met her. Everything in my life was upside down. The people, my health, I was angry all the time. I was scared. I was depressed. Doctors would give me horse tranquilizers just so I could sleep.

I figured out the exact technique to kill myself as painlessly as possible. I was going to do it.

I just wrote it down here but realized it's so easy I don't want people to try it. So I erased it.

Then back so long ago, I saw Claudia online. I asked her where she was from. She said, "Buenos Aires". I said, "Oh! I never been to Brazil before."

Somehow after that mistake she stuck with me. It's like I filtered out all the people who would assume I was an idiot (they would probably be right).

Then I wanted to have dinner with her to maybe get her drunk and have sex with her.

But she said no. "Tea". I said "Dinner". She said "tea". And only "one hour".

And then we took a walk. Then the next date we took another walk. A really long one because I was afraid to kiss her.

Then she went to buy one of my books. Because I went on a signing rampage all over NYC six months earlier and nobody had bought my books, the particular book she opened up of mine in a random bookstore said, "To Whoever Buys This Book, I Love You. - James Altucher".

She thought that was a sign from God. She checked the other books (they were all unsold and still are) and none of them had that. I remember signing that particular book.

My youngest, Mollie, who was only 7 then, looked at me when I had signed it six months earlier and said, "Daddy! What are you doing?" And I told Mollie, "I love whoever reads this book."

But it was enough. Because Claudia believes in miracles, she fell in love with me.

You breathe in the energy of the people around you. Claudia has her problems (a LOT of them) but when I breathe in her energy, I live another day.

Then I wanted to make a comic book. So I scripted out when I met her and someone drew it.

They drew her prettier than she is in real life. But that's ok. She's very beautiful even when she's not a cartoon.

In real life I like looking at her. I recorded her once when she was snoring and it sounded pig-like but I love listening to it even though she hates it.

She screamed at me when she heard the recording. I said, "but I recorded it for your health". She didn't believe me.

I made her laugh this morning. That makes me happy. I hope I do it every morning.

She will kick like a dying horse, and laugh and fall, and snore like a pig, and back away from me when I glare at the screen , but today I know I will live another day.

It’s pretty incredible how often you hear managers complaining about their best employees leaving, and they really do have something to complain about—few things are as costly and disruptive as good people walking out the door.

Managers tend to blame their turnover problems on everything under the sun, while ignoring the crux of the matter: people don’t leave jobs; they leave managers.

The sad thing is that this can easily be avoided. All that’s required is a new perspective and some extra effort on the manager’s part.

First, we need to understand the nine worst things that managers do that send good people packing.

1. They Overwork People

Nothing burns good employees out quite like overworking them. It’s so tempting to work your best people hard that managers frequently fall into this trap. Overworking good employees is perplexing; it makes them feel as if they’re being punished for great performance. Overworking employees is also counterproductive. New research from Stanford shows that productivity per hour declines sharply when the workweek exceeds 50 hours, and productivity drops off so much after 55 hours that you don’t get anything out of working more.

If you must increase how much work your talented employees are doing, you’d better increase their status as well. Talented employees will take on a bigger workload, but they won’t stay if their job suffocates them in the process. Raises, promotions, and title-changes are all acceptable ways to increase workload. If you simply increase workload because people are talented, without changing a thing, they will seek another job that gives them what they deserve.

2. They Don’t Recognize Contributions and Reward Good Work

It’s easy to underestimate the power of a pat on the back, especially with top performers who are intrinsically motivated. Everyone likes kudos, none more so than those who work hard and give their all. Managers need to communicate with their people to find out what makes them feel good (for some, it’s a raise; for others, it’s public recognition) and then to reward them for a job well done. With top performers, this will happen often if you’re doing it right.

3. They Don’t Care about Their Employees

More than half of people who leave their jobs do so because of their relationship with their boss. Smart companies make certain their managers know how to balance being professional with being human. These are the bosses who celebrate an employee’s success, empathize with those going through hard times, and challenge people, even when it hurts. Bosses who fail to really care will always have high turnover rates. It’s impossible to work for someone eight-plus hours a day when they aren’t personally involved and don’t care about anything other than your production yield.

4. They Don’t Honor Their Commitments

Making promises to people places you on the fine line that lies between making them very happy and watching them walk out the door. When you uphold a commitment, you grow in the eyes of your employees because you prove yourself to be trustworthy and honorable (two very important qualities in a boss). But when you disregard your commitment, you come across as slimy, uncaring, and disrespectful. After all, if the boss doesn’t honor his or her commitments, why should everyone else?

5. They Hire and Promote the Wrong People

Good, hard-working employees want to work with like-minded professionals. When managers don’t do the hard work of hiring good people, it’s a major demotivator for those stuck working alongside them. Promoting the wrong people is even worse. When you work your tail off only to get passed over for a promotion that’s given to someone who glad-handed their way to the top­­­­­­­, it’s a massive insult. No wonder it makes good people leave.

6. They Don’t Let People Pursue Their Passions

Talented employees are passionate. Providing opportunities for them to pursue their passions improves their productivity and job satisfaction. But many managers want people to work within a little box. These managers fear that productivity will decline if they let people expand their focus and pursue their passions. This fear is unfounded. Studies show that people who are able to pursue their passions at work experience flow, a euphoric state of mind that is five times more productive than the norm.

7. They Fail to Develop People’s Skills

When managers are asked about their inattention to employees, they try to excuse themselves, using words such as “trust,” “autonomy,” and “empowerment.” This is complete nonsense. Good managers manage, no matter how talented the employee. They pay attention and are constantly listening and giving feedback.

Management may have a beginning, but it certainly has no end. When you have a talented employee, it’s up to you to keep finding areas in which they can improve to expand their skill set. The most talented employees want feedback—more so than the less talented ones—and it’s your job to keep it coming. If you don’t, your best people will grow bored and complacent.

8. They Fail to Engage Their Creativity

The most talented employees seek to improve everything they touch. If you take away their ability to change and improve things because you’re only comfortable with the status quo, this makes them hate their jobs. Caging up this innate desire to create not only limits them, it limits you.

9. They Fail to Challenge People Intellectually

Great bosses challenge their employees to accomplish things that seem inconceivable at first. Instead of setting mundane, incremental goals, they set lofty goals that push people out of their comfort zones. Then, good managers do everything in their power to help them succeed. When talented and intelligent people find themselves doing things that are too easy or boring, they seek other jobs that will challenge their intellects.

Bringing It All Together

If you want your best people to stay, you need to think carefully about how you treat them. While good employees are as tough as nails, their talent gives them an abundance of options. You need to make them want to work for you.

What other mistakes cause great employees to leave? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Let’s dive into one of my favorite coaching exercises. This exercise will help you determine where you are and who you want to become. I love this exercise. I hope you do too!

First imagine you’re 95 years old. You’re just about to die. You’re given a gift. To go back in time, to this moment and to tell yourself what was really important and what wasn’t, what really mattered and what didn’t. What advice would this wise “old you” have for the “you” who is reading this page?

Take your time. Answer this question on two levels: personal advice and professional advice. Jot down a few words that capture what the old you would say to the young you.

Once you’ve written these words down, the rest is simple: Just do whatever you wrote down. Make it your resolution for the rest of the current year, and the next. You have just defined your “there”!

Though I cannot define “there” for you, I can make a rough prediction about what some features of your “there” will look like. A few years ago, a friend of mine had the opportunity to interview people who were dying and ask them what advice they would have for themselves as a younger person. The answers he got were filled with wisdom.

One recurring theme was to “reflect upon life, to find happiness and meaning now,” not next month, not next year, not when they got the car, promotion, relationship, but right now. Many older people say they were so wrapped up in looking for what they didn’t have that they seldom appreciated what they did have.

A second recurring theme was “friends and family.” Consider this: You may work for a wonderful company and you may think that your contribution to that organization is very important. Yet when you are 95 and you look around at the people at your deathbed, very few of your fellow employees will be there waving goodbye. Your friends and family will probably be the people there, so appreciate them now and share a large part of your life with them.

The third recurring theme was the reflection to “follow your dreams.” Older people who have tried to achieve their dreams are always happier with their lives. Figure out your true purpose in life and go for it! This doesn’t apply just to big dreams; it is also true for little dreams. Few of us will achieve all of our dreams. Some dreams will always elude us. The key question is not, “Did I make all my dreams come true?” The key question is, “Did I try?”

So, now that you have the wisdom of that 95-year-old you, use it! Know that you need to be happy now, to enjoy your friends and family, and to follow your dreams! Let the journey begin.